& Sentiments;

Rest In Peace Beautiful Angel

2008-06-01T17:20:00.007+10:00

I miss you so much already. For almost five years you've kept us company. From the moment you came into our home in that little shoe box of your's you've made us so much more happy. Who won't remember the times you used to squeal at us every time we opened the fridge, every time we walked near your cage and even when we've just come home? I'm going to miss the times when you would crawl around and into the grocery bags when we were packing them away, then to find you chewing on the green leaves of the vegetables, chewing on plastic bags, chewing on cardboard and squealing for more food. I'm going to miss how you chewed on anything and everything, including the thongs and paddlepop sticks. I 'm going to miss how you'd play hide and seek with us, and every time you'd hide behind the rubbish bin or under the cabinets. I'm going to miss the times when you stood on my foot and lifted your head so I would stroke your chin. I'm going to miss the way you purred when we stroke your back and how you squeaked when we stroke your fur the wrong way. I'm going to miss the way you licked at the water when we were bathing you and the way you kept pooping while you were in your mini bathtub. I'm going to miss the times when we'd take you out into the little backyard and you'd munch on all the grass. I'm going to miss how you used to walk up to the edge of your cage so we'd feed you a carrot stick or some broccoli. I'm going to miss seeing you curl up in the corner of your cage - so peaceful. I'm going to miss the times when I talked to you when I felt down, because I knew you wouldn't judge me. I'm going to miss watching you shuts your eyes and sleep at night. I'm going to miss how you fit perfectly in my arms. I'm even going to miss the times when you pee-ed and pooped on the carpet and on my clothes. I'm going to miss how you used to crawl up onto my shoulder when I lay on the couch. I'm going to miss your cute little sneezes and your cute little hiccups. I'm going to miss everything you brought into our home, every little tiny bit of it.

It'll never feel the same again when I walk into the laundry room, to find that your blue cage, your little bowl and your little water bottle won't be there anymore. It'll never feel the same now that you're not living with us anymore. Our home will never feel the same.

I love you so much my beautiful guinea pig - my beautiful angel.

Rest In Peace my little girl.

Persis thinks she is the master.

2008-04-19T23:41:00.002+10:00

Yes, I have failed to blog for almost a month now, but this is the least of my concerns.

Law Camp was so FUCKING AWESOME!
And no, that's not all I have to say Persis. =P

Well, because Persis has been nagging me the whole night. I thought why not be a good friend and help her become even more deluded about how I'm her puppet, so now I'm blogging.

I'm a fantastic friend. =)

I really don't know how to describe my experiences over the past few weeks. It was definitely overwhelming, but nonetheless priceless. Law is fantastic, and no I haven't become a law elitist. It's just every person is so inviting, exciting and every other positive adjective. The second, third and fourth year students aren't discriminating or condescending at all, in fact, had they not told us, I don't think we would've known that they were older than us.

And let me reiterate: LAW CAMP WAS FUCKING AWESOME!

Except for the fact that they put it at the worst possible time. Now, everyone has an overload of work to catch-up on, but no-one seems to be getting anywhere because Facebook is way too much of a distraction.

And because of this mountain of work, I've also been failing to catch-up with friends. I want to take this opportunity to say sorry for my behaviour lately, I don't mean to neglect anyone. FORGIVE ME! =(

The upcoming events are of course the Commerce Cruise (even though I don't do Commerce, am very anti-Commerce and pro-Arts), because the one-and-only Daisy is doing Commerce, and of COURSE Miss. Fishy's Birthday Party!

Time to get hyped up. =)

Alcomahol = Liver Failure.

2008-03-23T13:05:00.002+11:00

So, Emily and numerous others have told me to update my blog. What better time to than updating it right now after that fucking awesome party last night. "JAGER BOMBS!" and "MIDGET HOOK-UP!" pretty much summed up the night for Jimmi. ROFL

Last night is one massive blur at the moment. I remember getting really sick, being slapped in the face so I wouldn't pass-out, throwing water in Reila's face only to get beer thrown back into mine, meeting lots of randoms, throwing up, that crazy-arse dancefloor, losing my phone then screaming "FUCKING BITCHES FIND MY PHONE" while standing at the toilet door (which was later found by Daisy), pissing in front of Emily, watching Emily going off-her-face, seeing Kelvin the tragic getting smashed, drinking Smirnoff Vodka straight, drinking a few cups of goon, eating a meat-pie and that drama at the end of the night. Yes, hahah AWESOME NIGHT!

I'm still feeling rather sick, I vow to lay off alcohol for a while, because it probably will only lead to liver failure. And I really don't want that.

Thanks to everybody who attempted to look after me and even to those who slapped me, lol. Love you all.

Yeah, no philosophical blog this time =P.

The Endless Cycle - Always and Forever.

2008-03-01T21:28:00.009+11:00

Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire; the other is to gain it."

To me, in order to lose your heart's desire, you would have had to gain it in the first place. I agree, it is a tragedy to lose what you feel is a need rather than a want; but perhaps it is even more tragic to not have been able to gain your heart's desire to begin with. If being able to have that is a tragedy, then I want tragedy, because I would trade anything to have a chance to experience my heart's desire, than to not have that chance at all. So you know what I think? I think that people don't realise how lucky they are to have been granted that opportunity to feel, to breathe, to live. It's almost as though we're all too busy to just stop for a second and appreciate everything that's ventured into our lives - even the little things. So no, I don't think gaining your heart's desire is a tragedy at all; instead it's almost a blessing. Even if you do lose it in the end, I don't think you'd give it back for the world, because if you did, it'd be selfish to the people who never got that chance at all.

Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness and sometimes we lose them there again."

I've travelled in and out of 'darkness', but everyone has. It's almost as though we're trapped in an endless cycle that brings joy, but as a penalty for this 'joy', sadness is brought about ten-fold. Sometimes I want to take risks, which I can only hope will bring joy. In so many cases though, the negatives outweigh any positive that may come as a result. I just want you all to know that I never got the chance to gain my heart's desire, not even once. Life moves on though, even if I don't. All I can do is chase after it, even if I know I'll never be able to reach it. It's a matter of putting myself on the line again and even though I am cynical, I am becoming hopeful...

... because Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer once said: "We got one life, one chance and what we do with it is up to us."

I want you to know that I appreciate you for who you are. I don't judge you based on your mistakes. In fact I don't judge you at all. I think it's amazing that you are making the mistakes that you've made. I admire you for it, because to make mistakes is one thing, but to acknowledge the fact that you know they were mistakes is huge. Don't let people drag you down; hell, don't drag yourself down. Because those people don't understand you, they're probably too shallow to even empathise with you. So chin-up, I'm always here for you and you know it.

And if it's any consolation, you're so lucky to have had people who appreciated you for you who are in the past, even if that appreciation didn't last forever. I'm still yearning for at least one person to and I know I've gotten close, but that never really is enough. I blame myself for everything that goes wrong, and I'm not even sure if that's wrong anymore. So tell me ways I can keep my chin up, help me take my mind off things - even if it is only for one short and sweet second - because I want to be able to stop thinking, I want to be able to be optimistic.

"I want to immerse myself in someone and to wake that heart long afraid to feel."

Anonymous (I'm nameless [ie afraid])

2008-02-26T17:27:00.003+11:00

Well this is coming from the blogwriter himself ...

The night I typed that blog, I was just feeling moody.
Thanks for the overwhelming response though umm anonymous people.

and for those anonymous people who are extremely pessimistic, try to smile and be chirpy ok?

=) Plus, I should've left a note. I was watching One Tree Hill that night, we all know how depressing that can be. Especially the Jayton story. LOL.

I think I may have caused just a little too much drama for a blog.

JACK AND DEMI FTW! Oh YEAH!

p.s. Liverpool was awesome Phyllis =) and the hairdressers was indeed an anxious moment hahah.

Dear Blog & Sentiments,

2008-02-18T23:31:00.004+11:00

I can tell myself that I don't need anyone, but that would be a lie. It's been a while since I felt like I could completely open up to someone. I find myself hiding in a shell again and I can't find someone I can connect with on an emotional level. I don't know who to talk to about the things that have been on my mind lately - so blog, as pathetic as this is, you'll have to do.

For the first time in my life I feel like I can't catch up to the pace of life. Everyone seems to be experiencing something new every hour, every day, every week. It feels like I'm trapped in a time continuum experiencing the same ol' same ol' every single second of my life. It hurts to know that I'm not growing as a person - that the progress is stagnant. I find that day by day, I envy the people around me more and more. As childish as this seems, I actually feel like I'm missing out on the many aspects of life. It's come to a point where I think I want to make foolish mistakes just to get the chance to look back on them and realise how stupid I was. I don't know how to make foolish mistakes or perhaps I can't bring myself to make those mistakes. I was never rebellious, I've always done my parents and myself proud. I've always been the mummy's boy and being foolish isn't in my nature. Yet, this doesn't shine through. Just like the media, there's little interest in the good, the major focus is on the bad, the tragedies, the tragics. No, I'm not a sleaze, I'm not a jerk, but does this make me any less appealing? Does it come to a point where I have to do something insane to be noticed or am I just thinking too far below the surface? Does it make a difference? I always imagined what it would be like if I changed, started afresh as someone I'm not, just to be noticed, but at the end of the day I don't think I want to change for this to happen. Clearly I'm not perfect and I've waited so damn long for someone to fully appreciate me for who I am, someone who completely understands me. Sure along the road, I thought I found one or two people who did, but how long does this connection really last? A few weeks? A few months? A year at most. That's what really hurts. When I thought there was a connection on that emotional level I was kidding myself, because if it did exist I wouldn't be here confessing to my blog. I have perhaps experienced this aspect of life the most: the let-down. And that belief about karma coming back 7 times round is total bullshit, because I'm living proof.

I ask myself constantly, when did I dig myself into this hole? And to be truthful, I really don't know. Maybe the course of life is predetermined. I tried really hard not to dwell on these issues and it's pretty convenient that Uni is just around the corner - a time to start afresh. But my friend brought me back down to Earth. It is easy to fall into the trap of transforming yourself into someone you're not because it does feel like a new beginning. But what really is the point? You're still the same person you were in high school. I can hope that things don't play out the same way that they did in high school and hope that Uni will play out a different course. Does it come to the point where I have to make a perfect first impression even if it does mean I have to pretend to be someone I'm not?

I'm really proud of the person I am today, but I'm not happy - not enough anyway. To be honest, I do feel alone, I do feel like I'm being stared at by judgmental eyes. The last thing I want is for someone to read this and feel sorry for me. I don't want to evoke sympathy or pity.

Sometimes I really do want to talk to people about some of these things. Maybe I'm just too insecure, maybe I just don't know how to trust people completely.

You know what? I actually do feel a whole lot better now. Thanks.

What? Since when was it Valentines Day?

2008-02-14T20:08:00.004+11:00

LOL Well the last time I blogged it was New Years Eve.
So it's been a total of 1 month and 14 days.

How appropriate is it that I decide to blog on Valentines Day?

Happy Valentines Day to all those couples out there!
And for the rest of us: be happy that we saved ourselves from just another excuse for Florists and Restaurants to make big bucs.

Nope, I didn't step out of the house today (oh wait, I did to see the doctor), instead I stayed at home and played Wii the whole day. I'm awesome at tennis! My body is aching like hell though hahah.

I think I'm actually going to try and make this blog less shallow and make it more insightful into my life at the moment. One of my major problems I think is my unwillingless to let go of anything and everything. I think I become too easily attached to the tangible and intangible. As cliche as it sounds, it does feel like a heavy weight on my shoulders. And to be even more cliche, I think I hang onto things because I haven't had the closure yet. I hate failing, which means I always strive to succeed, so unless I've reached the top I won't stop pursuing something unless I've been proven that I can't achieve it or I admit defeat myself. Perseverance or just plain stubborn? Is that my best attribute or my worst?

Perhaps I don't persevere and I always wait for something to happen without trying to make it happen...

... Maybe that's my biggest problem.

I <33 NY...E!

2007-12-31T14:04:00.000+11:00

No, I don't love New York, in fact I've never been.
LOL But I sure <33 New Years Eve!

I hope everyone has a VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And I hope to be seeing many of your faces again in 2008 along with many more new faces!
May all your New Year's Resolutions be fulfilled! =)

Have a sexing great time dudes and dudettes.

Indifference accompanied by nothingness

2007-12-29T14:18:00.000+11:00

I don't even know why I'm blogging, because I have nothing to say.
I guess I'm doing it partly out of boredom and partly out of guilt of neglecting this not-so-private diary of mine.

Where should I start?
Emily thanks for letting me be your (+1) to Lachlan's party, even though I turned out to be a total embarassment LMFAO.
Thank God Daisy was there to upstage me XD heheheh.
I'm sorry for puking on your shoes, but I promise I'll get you new size 7 silver ballet flats (is that what they're called?).
Besides the minor mishaps, I'm sure we can all agree that it was an AWESOME night!!!!
A few blogs back, I mentioned how much more fun it'd be if I could get trashed within a few drinks. Well people, the key is GOON! Though it really does have a meaty aftertaste, it does the job.

note to self: stay away from alcohol until the New Years.

I'm sorry for the insulting comments I make when you bring me good news. I'm really happy for you, you know that. I'll only do it once every ten times you bring me good news LOL, but trust me there's nothing I want more than for good things to happen to you. =)

I had a really weird dream a couple of nights back and to be honest really wished that dream never happened. It just reaffirmed my confusion about a particular someone. Funnily enough, my brain was telling itself to repeat whatever happened in the dream. Why? I haven't a clue. Actually I do, it was because silly old me wanted it to as well.

So I ask myself: "What on earth can I do about this?"

Conveniently, a letter from USYD came in the mail also a couple of days ago. Leslie, you're invited. LOL USyd invited me to a breakfast on Info Day - complementary.

So what are the plans for Izzy and I? We're meeting new people! LOL I'm gonna be her wingman and she'll be my wingwoman. So it's a two-man team, anymore in our team and the perfect schemes will be a disaster. Isn't that right Izzymabelle? hehehehe

My University social life begins on the 3rd of January. I'm so excited - like a little kid screaming for ice-cream.

This is wrong
I should be gone
Yet here we lay
'Cause I can't stay away
Roses bloom
In your dirty room
I Come to play
'Cause I can't stay away
No I can't stay away
The Veronicas - I Can't Stay Away

Untie these ropes, set me free.

2007-12-13T21:49:00.000+11:00

Untie these ropes, set me free.

Lately I've been bombarded with feelings of emptiness. I've become confused again with what I want at this point of 2007.
I want to enjoy single-life, but at the same time I don't want to be lonely. Two contradicting scenarios, but that's what I want.

So how do I satisfy this desired lifestyle?
"Go Wild! FTW!"
That's implicit enough, I don't want to spell anything out. LOL

Transformation

2007-12-07T19:55:00.000+11:00

I got my ear pierced today.
Well, I got my ear pierced twice today. LOL
Check it out!!!!!!
=)

Thinking - thinking, thinking, thinking.

2007-12-02T15:51:00.000+11:00

Over the past two or three weeks, I've come to realise what I want. This is mainly due to my endless thinking - thinking, thinking, thinking - and consulting friends. But thinking played a huge part.

I know that I'm not actually ready to commit to any relationship, so I guess that's why I feel so much better now. I'm content with my life, but perhaps I've taken a step back, because it seems all I want now is to have fun. I do, however, also know that even if I'm having fun, I won't be able to completely let go, because liking someone means holding back. And I guess that's the downside. Or perhaps I need to experience 'life' and recognise that holding back is what members of 'couples' do. And that I'm not part of.

It's quite funny, because when I say "it's complicated" I actually mean it. It's sort of like hopping off the fence, hopping on again, hopping off again and ending up at the beginning - on the fence again. I've come to accept that Uni will mean meeting new people and meeting new people I think I'll enjoy.

There's also realising how 'picky' I am. How do I describe the extent? I really can't. First impressions matter so much and if you don't admit this you are obviously lying to yourself. When I'm driving along the streets or walking along the roads my brain's automatically ticking the boxes: hot, not, hot, HOT, gross and whatnot. What is this, seriously? I'm not denying the enjoyment though, it's definitely fun.

But intelligence matters, because I'm not living with just eye-candy for the rest of my life.

The exercise is fun, I tells ya. There's nothing else to it. (note the denial)

I really don't feel like recounting my past few weeks in depth. The formal was fun - I shared my last dance and a couple of slow dances with Nhi. The sleepover was crazy - only got one hour sleep and was totally dead the next day. Gold Coast was awesome - theme parks were really fun (special mention to the Superman Ride) and the Main Beach was nice, but now I'm blacker than a Milo bar. Come to think of it the Formal, Sleepover and the flight to the Gold Coast occurred in a matter of 2 days and 2 nights. Explains my constant fatigue.

And returning to eye-candy - heaps of it in the Gold Coast. LOL

Lust - it's a sin. But hey, I managed to stay out of naughty fun and had only 'innocent' fun. Plus, it was during Schoolies - it's a rarity I tell you.

I've also missed Sydney a lot and I also hate not being 18. Yeah random, but I really hate not being 18. 7 months, only 7 more months. 6 months for daughter Emily (God forbid I remembered the wrong birthday). And I'll have to spend 1 month being 17 (alone) when all my friends are 18. I can picture it already. LOL I'm getting melodramatic - I'm sure I'll survive. Plus I love my friends, I'm sure they won't neglect me... (seeking reassurance) hahahah.

I think I'm going in circles. Sometimes I think how much easier it would be to have fun if I could actually get smashed within a few drinks and as a result completely let go. Or maybe we all just need something with a lot more bite, much higher alcohol concentration - of course, not enough to kill. I'm not stupid.

A message to my resident fish: We LURRRVE you. Don't worry about anything. =)

Time will heal, that's the beauty with ageing. LOL

I haven't seen you since James's party, I promise we'll catch up very soon.

Or maybe me and jam can just crash your house. The weather's awfully shitty in Sydney this week.

For those of you who are extremely interested in my trip to the Gold Coast, I'll upload some photos soon. Webshots is taking up my download.

Emptiness, Excitement, Fear - Confusion

2007-11-06T20:41:00.000+11:00

To many people, the end of HSC is associated with the feeling of carefree.
It is also a call for celebrations, but to many others it also means coming to terms with a sense of emptiness.
It is daunting to know that I'm finally exposed to the "real world". What's going to happen? Will I be able to pursue my University study - and more importantly in the course I want? Will I learn to be independent - not needing to consult my parents for my life-changing decisions?
Am I going to change? Will I make friends who are just as fantastic as the friends I have now?

It's an exciting time of our lives, venturing into the unknown, but at the same time it's also extremely scary.

I'm confident that I know what I want to do with my life. I'm going to chase after everything that I've always wanted and not even my parents are going to stop me now. This is my chance to live life, free from many of those childhood expectations, which seem somewhat insignificant now.

The future seems promising. Just you watch, you'll be hearing a lot more about Leslie in the next few stages of our lives.

And if you have a minute why don't we go somewhere only we know?

2007-10-08T17:13:00.000+10:00

It's hard finding someone you like, who likes you back.
But is it harder to appreciate this phenomenon, in whatever way?

Signed, sealed, delivered...

2007-09-30T13:21:00.000+10:00

It would be an understatement to say a lot has unfolded over the past few days.
The final day of High School saw the creation of masses of memories and Graduation was, nonetheless, emotional. All I can say is that I'll miss all of you so much, because not seeing you 5 days a week will make my life empty.

I'm not sure if i can publish this freely so I won't. There was the biggest revelation last night and I am happier than I've been in a while, because it wasn't the worst case scenario as I played out in my head so many times before. Instead it was gratifying and liberating. =) And I've pledged with Viet/Neng/NengNeng, that the flirt has left the building. After all of this, I've realised that even if you flirt with someone and they begin to like you, it's not genuine, because that's not who you really are. That's why I'm grateful that flirting was off limits with you, because instead of feeling uncomfortable after this situation (like I've felt so many times before with others), all I have to do is speak and act the same way, because that's who you knew me as and that's who I'll always be. True, old genuine me.

Needless to say it was particularly difficult sleeping last night. True, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but because of that there were so many other things to think about and hopefully, in the not-too-distant future, look forward to. Great thing is I know I'll never lose you, because you'll always be my awesome, compassionate and funny friend.

And I promise you (friend of ours), that even if something does happen, we'll still be the way we were before - the friends you laugh with, the friends you laugh at, the friends you love, the friends you always knew. And let us be damned if you're unhappy, because friends stick together.

I don't want to become corny, but it's hard not to, because everytime I think about you it makes me smile and even though I saw you yesterday, I miss you already. This is one of the reasons why I'll say thank God Paper 1 is in 2 weeks and 3 days.

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music at the moment, maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

p.s. Fickle is under the 'hate' category in my vocabulary. =P

Wavelengths matter.

2007-09-17T22:14:00.000+10:00

You know, I've realised that you need to be on the same wavelength as your peers in order for you to be friends. So throw away the "looks matter most" and bring in the "intellect matters most, followed closely by looks". It is so frustrating talking to people who (1) just don't understand you and (2) take 5 years to process the conversation. I just really can't be bothered anymore.
Like I've repeatedly said, I've finally realised who my FANTASTIC friends are. =)

What was meant to be a fantastic and GREAT idea has totally propelled to the opposite end of the spectrum and KABOOM - now it's total shit. I don't blame anyone, not specifically anyway, and I don't want to hurt any of my friends so I'll just keep my mouth shut or refrain from typing severing words.

What else have I been pondering about lately. Ahh yes, The Formal. Besides the tedious table arrangements and laughing at all those, umm how should I euphemistically put this, people who have been 'rejected' as formal dates...
Perhaps I should elaborate - seriously, I'd stop after being rejected once, because I'd be so morally destroyed. Not being spiteful, but not having a date won't kill you.
... I've also been thinking about who I'd like to have my last dance with and Viet has also wondered. LOL, it's sort of the over-rated moment of any High School students life. The last dance. I blame OC and One Tree Hill, although things weren't perfect on One Tree Hill. And seeing that I'm one of the cast of One Tree Hill, what makes me think the Formal will be any different. LMFAO
Ok, now I'm just being lame, but you get the point. My mind is focused on having that last dance!

GRADUATION IN T - 11 DAYS. =)

Content with the way things are.

2007-09-08T23:44:00.000+10:00

There comes a time when you're content with how everything is. In the bigger picture, it doesn't really matter, because you're happy and she's happy.

Albie's party was amazing. I enjoyed every moment and I mean every single moment of it. The food was great, games were great, adventures were great. =) Everything a party should have was present. Albie you rock. =)

Sorry, I can't be bothered uploading any photos.

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're
You're never there
And when I sleep you're
You're everywhere
You're everywhere

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause everytime I look you're never there
And everytime I sleep you're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone
I'm not alone.
Michelle Branch - Everywhere

p.s. Chin up Emily. =)

The crowd in which I search for you.

2007-09-03T21:47:00.000+10:00

That's what it felt like on saturday.
I guess it wasn't meant to be ...
Oh geees who am I kidding. LOL

I've joined the rubik's cube craze. Yes, I admit a few decades too late, but hey I'm only 17 and if I'm slow it's only because I wasn't born during the 'it' time.
I'm almost done, I'm so proud. Thanks Wendi, my great mentor. =)

And Jenny, we finally met for the 2nd time. It took a while but we got there. =P

My new gear.

2007-08-31T17:50:00.000+10:00

Check out my Samsung K3. =)

It's pretty sexy, is it not?

Well who said the materialistic couldn't make you happy? It sure is making me happy. lol =)

The selfish side of me.

2007-08-27T21:16:00.000+10:00

I've been thinking quite a bit lately and above all the guilt I've been feeling (sorry bei bei), I have also realised how bloody selfish I am. It's almost as if it's an in-built attribute of mine - expecting every single one of my friends to be perfect and I've noticed that it will never be possible, because, simply, human nature has it that we all have flaws.

It seems I'm never satisfied and it's because of this that everything goes wrong. And as arrogant as this may sound, I've realised that so much is my fault.
Then comes the question, "why am I like this?" But hey, this is one of my flaws.

It's only in my final year of High School that I've realised who my true friends are, and a few of them I didn't even talk to until this year. But I'm glad I did, because they truly are fantastic people. (*drum roll* lol here you go Nhi.) =P

I once said to myself: "Romance is like a patch of grass, you trod on it a few times and it disappears."
However, those were just words to comfort myself. I'm a sucker for romance, a bit pathetic actually. And Emoly thinks so too. =P

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing

I am captivated

I am vindicated

I am selfish, I am wrong

I am right, I swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now

The things you swore you saw yourself

Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

A day in the future.

2007-08-26T22:57:00.000+10:00

I had a really fantastic time yesterday, especially with the company of my awesome friends.

It was ideally a perfect time to catch up and share some more-than-memorable moments of which, I don't think, I'll ever forget. =)

I also met some really cool people, who were really funny and kept me entertained. Yes, I'm referring to your Fortian friends Emoly. =P

I've also pretty much decided on the two courses I'm planning to choose: Arts - Media and Communications; and Health Science - Physiotherapy. USYD Open Day was pretty informative, better than I generally expected.

I've been to USYD heaps of times and each time I go the environment/landscape seems more and more appealing. I can't resist.

Hilarious story coming up, don't hold your breath. =P

On the way to meet Jenny at market city/Capitol, Emoly, James, Iain and I had to wait at the pedestrian crossing. We heard these girls talking, quite cheerfully, and Emoly thought she knew one of them. So she turns around to greet... oh wait, it isn't her - too late... "oh hey..." *hides her mistake, quite badly, by turning to James* "oh hey... James!"

By this time everyone has cracked up laughing and I suggest to Emoly: "umm *LOL* maybe we should cross the road."

Emoly: "Yeah, I think we should."

So she turns around and grabs James' arm, except it isn't him... I wonder who it is.

Get this, a random guy turns around, said a little something of which was inaudible. James and I crack up again and naturally she is in utter humiliation.

Random guy speaks to Emoly: "you just came from the Open Day yeah? The name's Rob *in the most suggestive way*"

So Emoly starts thinking ... this guy is talking to me, I must know him...: "You were at Karen's party, yeah?"

Rob: "Wait, did you say Carus? I know a girl called Carus."

By this time, we've all run away to Market City. LMFAO, priceless moment.

The day didn't end on the highest of notes as I failed to meet up with Jenny, I'll blame the asian-ness at the photo booths - there were so many people. We were both a little annoyed about it. There's always next time. =)

Shake and pop, shake, shake and pop.

2007-08-23T21:14:00.000+10:00

Contrary to what my blog title suggests, I'm not in a fantastic mood.
Ever get the feeling when someone talks to you about something and you think ... "god, shut up already, I don't really care!"
It only happens when it's repetitive and that's the only topic/subject they talk about.
I call it the accumulative, shut-the-fuck-up-syndrome. But shhhh it's a secret between you and I.
And don't ask me who it is, I won't tell you unless I want to.

I assure you, I rarely unleash the bastard side of me. Green Velvet - Shake and Pop saves the day. It's an awesome song and has a way of cheering people up.

My sunshine Phyllis stressed to me for the past few days that I've neglected my blog. Despite telling her that I'd type "Phyllis told me to blog" and end it there, I've decided that I might as well make the most out of it.

I've recently rekindled a beautiful friendship with the butterfly and no doubt I'm extremely happy. It's been a long time waiting for me anyway. LOL, was sort of getting tired of all that hostility. I can't even remember how the domestic nature of the relationship arose. But, all the better, just more to reminisce and smile about when I'm 60.

One more thing (lol, I sound like that old man from the Jackie Chan cartoon), I don't care what anyone says about hating Sefton. To me, there isn't exactly anything to hate. Sure, everybody has rough times during High School, but isn't it - in the end - just a learning curve for us? High School is 6 years to help us develop into respectable human beings (the majority of us at least). I think I've come to the realisation that I've met some truly amazing people at Sefton and I think that is what has made Sefton High School such a worthwhile and priceless journey. So if you're struggling to find a reason to love Sefton: I say love it for all the fantastic memories with your friends, because that's what school life has brought you.

struggling to find meaningful lyrics

The Smell of Freedom.

2007-08-17T17:40:00.000+10:00

The smell of freedom - fantastic.
A huge weight has been lifted and I seriously don't know what to do.
A teacher told me to relax, because she knew how much pressure I was under. What an awesome teacher. =)
But, I don't think I deserve to relax. Overall, I don't think I put 100% into it, but I won't let a little setback hold me down.

Nothing can describe how relieved I am now. After the trials, the HSC doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I guess I got a little taste of the real thing.

The weekend will be spent catching up with friends, because I miss talking to them and it feels like years since I've seen or spoken to them - when really it's only been 2 weeks.

=) Love you long time.

Purpose at 17

2007-08-11T21:49:00.000+10:00

What is my purpose at the young and naive age of 17?

I've been evaluating what I'm actually doing - (HSC, duh) - and I've come to a conclusion of why I need to motivate myself. I really, really, really want to become a journalist and to do that I need a Media and Communications degree. It's not so easy to do and I'm determined to study at USyd or UTS (since the course there is meant to be better).

I really want my parents to be proud of their son, finally put an end to relatives flaunting the intellect of their children and not have relatives diminishing your confidence because make implications that you're "not bright". It's a chance to prove them wrong - family pride - as well as setting a strong foundation for my career.

I've also mildy considered the renovation business. They're paid quite a bit of money and I think it would be entertaining making houses and buildings look magnificent. I'm a perfectionist and renovation requires precision - it's a good combination. I don't know how my parents will react to that prospect though.

And sleeping at 1am every night/morning isn't healthy. It's actually pretty exhausting.

Concentration running low

2007-08-08T16:32:00.000+10:00

I got away with not studying much for English Paper 2 today and I know I won't be so lucky next time. Paper 2 was so much better than Paper 1 and I don't think I hate the modules anymore. They're more straightforward and it's just pretty much expressing you're own opinion, unlike the generic journey's blabble.
And I really need to motivate myself, but I don't know how. What's wrong? This is a bit cliche, but I think I'm burnt out and right in the middle of trials - fantastic.

AND LOL Nintendo DS IS SO MUCH FUN! I was playing Kerby - it's a pretty cute game - and Worms - took me back to the days when I was a youngan. My sister should really set me a curfew, I played from 1130 to 4pm.
God, what am I doing? Recounting my day - that's not what my blog is for. Ok, ok I can't resist, I watched the end of Die Hard 4.0 as well and I'm a bit slow, but that Mac dude from the PCvsMac ad is in it. It was like bumping into an old friend. Funny how you can feel like you know someone from seeing them on TV every so often. =S

I really shouldn't blog everyday, seeing I don't really have the time for it. Trials - what a pain in the arse.
LOL and bei bei, a double date? I don't see that happening anytime soon...

... nope, I can't.

You're a falling star
You're the getaway car
You're the line in the sand
When I go to far
You're the swimming pool
On an august day
And you're the perfect thing to say

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute
Oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true
Cause you can see it when I look at you
Michael Buble - Everything

A new beginning.

2007-08-07T16:38:00.000+10:00

Such a convenient time to start a blog - during the trials.
I thought I'd do it some justice, seeing I've spent my precious study time on it.

I must say a huge thanks to Sharon for making this blog possible.
I love the layout. (for the time being anyway hehehe) <3
I must also mention the one and only EmilyN, as much of this layout was inspired by her blog. (I hope I didn't steal too much of it) <3
I must also thank the Trials, because this blog was started as a result of English Paper 1. This entry was meant to be dedicated to that damned paper, but that was yesterday's news and I don't want to start this blog off on the wrong foot. =)

Sitting here, I realised I don't really care who reads this blog. It's a time for me to pour my heart out. Being in high school, there's plenty of teen angst.

My bestie, Emily, posed a question to me yesterday - Why? Like most people I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be good enough for her. It's always either they're too god-damn gorgeous for me or they're too smart. I hate feeling inferior - call it male pride. It would be ideal if I could actually find someone and feel as though we're on level ground, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Losing yet another friend is inevitable in these situations. On the lighter side, flirting suits me fine - no strings attached. LOL, I'm such a manwhore. Call me arrogant, but awkward moments are a clear indication for me, but she, and I alike, continually deny it. I suppose she's afraid as well. And when something happens, like always, it's impossible to maintain a relationship and I'll just end up wriggling into that shell of mine, then call it quits.

Girl problems during Trials...I guess I'll find out how much effect it had when I get my results back.

let's start over
i'll try to do it right this time around
it's not over
a part of me is dead and in the ground
this love is killing me
but you're the only one
it's not over
Daughtry - It's not over

p.s. English paper 1 was a total bitch.